Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I smell stomach acid.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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