Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
