She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
