no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
