just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
