Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
