You made me cry and you don't even care
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
