He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
