Nicole vs. Life
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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