she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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