i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
