why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its not stalking. its research.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
