Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize