How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
