Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
