is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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