There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
