he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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