Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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