I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
