just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
