Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
