I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize