There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
