someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
