TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
