jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize