I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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