JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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