I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
