Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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