She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
