The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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