So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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