Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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