I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
