she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
