Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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