the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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