It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
