he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
