Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm bleeding and have questions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
