Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
