After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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