I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How naked do you want me to be?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
