Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
