DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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