there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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