i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
