thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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