actually, I'm a sock model
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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