We're facebook friends in real life
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
