he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
