okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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