my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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