Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
