those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
