Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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