Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
