it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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