Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sorry about my life...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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