We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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