The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
