remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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