she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
