If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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