She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
