Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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