Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize