Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
